In my last blog post I was talking about how I need to change myself or discover who I am. It's kinda been on the front on my mind this past month. I've been trying to be open with my friends and such, and just take in as much as I can of what's around me. The people I hang around with, their life experiences, the things I do, how people react to it... it's gotta mean something right? Overly perceptive? Is that what I'm being? I hope not. It kinda feels like I'm about to crack the case and discover the mystery, I'm just missing a few key puzzle pieces or key witnesses. Now that I can feel like there is something on the horizon I wanna take off running.
Here is something that I'm sure everybody who reads this will delight themselves in.
Last night me and my friend Mike had a conversation about sex. Don't worry I didn't go into details. That would be way over the Travis comfort level. We sorta got onto the subject because we were both lamenting our lack of girlfriends, and he mentioned something about being sexually frustrated, like it was a mutual feeling. To which I believe I replied; "Huh?". Then we sorta talked about it and were talking about ourselves. I think it was the first time I have EVER talked about sex with someone seriously. One interesting thing that stuck in my head from the conversation it that Mike said on average males think about sex every four minutes... according to a study he read. Every four minutes?! Are you for real? Every four minutes? That's ridiculous! On average I think the most I can think about sex is once a week! Which is normal followed by a twisted face and me blurting out "ew."
I guess I was trying to sort things out for myself because... well I never had before. But one thing I'm pretty sure of is that I have asexual tendencies. I know it's bad to self diagnose yourself and I don't know much about sexuality let alone my own... so this is just speculation.
Nevertheless... this seems pretty important. If I want to have a relationship with someone but I have asexual tendencies, wouldn't it be pretty important for the person I'm dating to know that about myself? I've always thought that I was the problem in my past relationships. I think I might just of stumbled on the reason why. I'd certainly like to be able to discover some answers about myself soon. On this 'discovering self' journey I've decided to embark on. Mike was saying that once I have sex that I would change. But... I don't want to. I don't want to have sex just for the reason of having sex and getting addicted to it. That seems so stupid to me.
Perhaps that sunrise I was rushing towards in the distance is actually a sunset. After discussing that I don't seem to be any closer to uncovering who I am as a person... I just confused myself mostly.
Make I just need to talk to more people. Listening to other peoples life stories are certainly interesting. It's nice to compare life notes and values. If I make anymore headway on discovering myself I'll document it here I suppose.
I also wanna dye my hair a bold colour again. Like blonde. I liked being blonde.
On a side note. I reeeally wanna go and get drunk soon. I haven't had a fun drinking night since... since... Becky's birthday party last year? Or the bonfire. One of those.. which came first? Yeah having a fun drunken time would be really fun.
artwork by niking
7 comments:
I was following along, amazed at the profoundness of it all. Then the last paragraph came...
Traaaavviiissss! Come get drunk with me!
And I self-diagnose all the time, and I have constructed a lovely disaster of an identity through the process. lol
And, Travis T, people who abstain from drinking have shorter life-spans than both moderate drinkers AND heavy drinkers.
Interesting statistic. Travis, add me to that drinking party you're planning!
Also, although I think society and the media would have you believe otherwise (har har, yes Jess blames everything on society) I think not being obsessed with sex is good. And you probably will change once you do it, but that doesn't have to happen until you're ready. Don't worry about it so much.
I'm alright with living a shorter lifespan if it means I get to be coherent for a greater percentage of it. I'd prefer quality over quantity.
Besides, the comment was more about the juxtaposition of the profound realizations against the desire to drink oneself stupid. It ruined the aesthetic for me and almost seemed to invalidate the whole post.
I suppose what I'm trying to say is that it seemed like an unnecessary addendum.
Also, it is important to me that I criticize him every now and then. I know everyone else will tell him when they think he's doing good so I like to balance that out with a bit of disappointment.
I saw five comments and I was pretty ecstatic that that many people would comment on my blog. Then I find that over half of them are Travis disapproving of me.
I guess he missed the part where I said; "On a side note" or grossly over looked that part.
Ladies and Gentleman, my best friend; Travis Thomson. : <
Well it was a buzz killing side note, which is ironic when you consider its content. I might have applauded it had I thought this was intended.
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